Bring Back My Inner Peace. There have been two stretches of time when I felt like I really had it together. One of which was when we lived in Tennessee. As I mentioned, I'm sure part of the reason for all the peace was the great lack of "stuff". But I also had a sort of calm there that I have never had before and haven't had since. I was meditating almost daily(this might mean 3 minutes, and sometimes I was lucky to get that with 3 home schooled boys and one on the way) and I spent a lot of time focusing on my new found spirituality. I have searched and researched and tried all sorts of forms of religion or spirituality and finally felt something click when I discovered Kabbalah. It just made sense to me. I am a firm believer of "to each their own" I am very happy for, sometimes even envious of, my friends and others who are so sure and solid in their faith. It seems to be harder for me to find it and stick to it. Any way, the point is, I need that feeling back.
Some things have been going on here. not quite ready to discuss them out loud, but lets just say circumstances that our out of our control are beginning to have quite an effect on our lives. It is taking a toll on me mentally. I suddenly have headaches almost daily and the mere mention of certain people and or situations starts my blood boiling and brings on the anger. This is really not like me. And quite frankly, I hate the feelings I am having. The worst part is, it effects my home live and my interactions with my boys. Mostly, I just feel like I am not fully present in what we are doing, and, ok, I am yelling a lot more. It's stinky. So....It needs to go. So I dug out my Kabbalah books and cds and have started at the beginning. I already feel better but I have a lot more work to do.
Its a big one, but so far so good. I just miss being able to recover from bad feelings quickly. I still can't keep other people's issues from interfering with my family's life, but I can stop it from sending me into a downward spiral that can last a day or longer. I can keep it from taking my focus away from what I am doing at the moment. I can help to send the tension away from our home quickly and quietly. I have come across this sign multiple times on blogs in the past few weeks. I think it should be another new mantra around here. I have also got my, often angry, tween reading The Celestine Prophecy and listening to the Power Of Kabbalah, I hope he can get something from it. I'm afraid he is heading down a long and cranky tantrum filled road. Maybe I will glue the above sighn to his forehead? hope you all are finding peace in the new year. We are searching hard here.